had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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