He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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