Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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