Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.