Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.