is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested