I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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