I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
