Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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