she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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