I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize