I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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