EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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