By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
