Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
