how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize