Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
