Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
