just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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