I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
