Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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