Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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