people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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