my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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