"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
