I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
