watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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