He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize