Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize