Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
