Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
