When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize