I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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