you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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