So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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