During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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