Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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