i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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