Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
