So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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