i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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