just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
