Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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