do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?