guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.