champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet