Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

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(805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees. http://tfl.nu/j4sn

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(678): View more from Georgia

apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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(678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p

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(804): View more from Virginia

I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five

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(804): I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five http://tfl.nu/co5b

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(631): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.

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(631): I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song. http://tfl.nu/vyfy

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!

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(732): I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body! http://tfl.nu/a54s

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(678): View more from Georgia

Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

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(678): Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids http://tfl.nu/tr3o

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(916): View more from California

She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

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(916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk

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(760): View more from California

Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

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(760): Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom... http://tfl.nu/f7p5

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma

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(402): Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma http://tfl.nu/lc92

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(805): View more from California

Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

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(805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.

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(920): That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake. http://tfl.nu/1ph6

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(334): View more from Alabama

i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"

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(334): i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?" http://tfl.nu/0fwx

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!

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(502): Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors! http://tfl.nu/muzx

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.

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(704): Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone. http://tfl.nu/kasl

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(510): View more from California

my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.

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(510): my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore. http://tfl.nu/307f

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