Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!