Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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