dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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