Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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