my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
