I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
smell my finger.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
