one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Acid is not a monday night drug
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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