So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
