Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
